it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
