Betty ford says i'm here all night
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
