so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
