i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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