She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
