the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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