I cockslap morals
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
