omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
