I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
