I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
