Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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