The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
