im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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