I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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