i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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