I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
