My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
