he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
