You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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