Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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