I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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