Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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