My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
