she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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