It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
