You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Farmville is her only friend.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
