Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dicks are not precious.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
