Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
