If i come over, it means nothing
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
