Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
