Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
