well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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