Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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