The maid of honor just puked.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
