They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
