K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
