Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
