I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So much Jack, so little girl.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
