i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
