I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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