did you get engaged???
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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