there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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