I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
this hospital has no fireball
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
