he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
