if i can run in heels then i can drive
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
