Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
