if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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