omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
