I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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