Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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