how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
