goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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