I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
