i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
