god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
