Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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