You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
