My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
bring money and cleavage
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
