Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
