You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
