My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
