You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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