My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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