What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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