I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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