Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
