saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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