I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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