I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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